Barbara
On finding herself…
“I was raised in Lancaster.
It was a simple life. It was a real simple life.
Then, I graduated and moved to Dallas, became part of the social scene and ‘moved up.’
Up until the breast cancer, I was going to Mexico, going out, lots of dinners with friends, lots of parties, drinking….
Now, the truth of the matter is, I just don’t want to.
I never have.
I’m comfortable at home, alone with my dogs. If I’m going to do something, I would rather get in the car and drive out into the country and sit. Or go for a walk.
That is how it changed me.
It made me more accepting of who I am, and what I love, and what’s important to me.
And, what’s important to me is peace and stillness, my dogs, and my family.
I think I made myself miserable the better part of my life, trying to be something I wasn’t.
And, I think this cancer, and the people I encountered through cancer, kind of gave me an excuse to stop. Once I stopped, I realized how perfectly happy that made me.
And, I never went back. I’ve been that way ever since.
And, I’m miserably happy.
Miserably happy.”
“Don’t put your head down. Raise your head up and live the journey.
Live every moment of it.
Because it’s beautiful. It’s stunningly beautiful.
And you don’t want to miss that.
It’s so hard for anybody to think that good can come out of cancer. I would not give up that experience for the world.
If I had the chance to go back and not have it, I wouldn’t.
I wouldn’t.
Because I’m so happy with myself because of it.
It was that life changing for me.”
Barbara Wilder | 54 | Richardson, Texas | legal secretary
Diagnosis: Mucinous Carcinoma of the Breast September 2002 | Bilateral Mastectomy October 2002 |survivor
4 Comment to “Barbara”
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Barbara, You very completely told my story. It’s deja vu reading your words, that’s exactly how I feel today after 9 years of survival. I can honestly say I like (no, love) me better now.
Hello, I got on this website because I have known Renee’ all my life.. my Mema and her nom were the best of friends… but as I read you story and the other stories of the women.. I am amazed and humbled by your spirits.
My mom had cancer, too, and I consider it a gift.. yes, my mom did die, 7 years after.. but, oh , for those 7 years… I learned how strong she could be, how strong and brave she was. She wrote beautiful letters to all of us, she kept records of what we did, who came, and so on.. she surprised us all with her courage and strength.. and when , the time, came .. with the legacy she left. My mom lived powerfully … and I am glad to see that you have chose to honor what matters to you , too, and to live with what makes you happiest.. Be well… be strong and be yourself!
Metta,
Jeanna’
I agree with your beautiful notes. I have not had Cancer but a lot of things happened in my life. I thought I could never life through
them. I felt sorry for self. I whinned to everyone.
Finally about four years ago, I woke up and relized I have to get things right as they can be in my life.
I am not even for a minute comparing my life to yours.
You are a true survivor, and came out a better person for it.
I just admire you.
Life long and happy.
You look beautiful. And you are one of the lucky ones, you understand what life is all about. Your words inspire me and remind me of what is important to me and to my life. Thank you!